You know how I survived this struggle? By hope. By gratitude. My husband, Larry, started the process. He made a comment that made me pause. As we were driving, the song, “I’m Blessed,” by Charlie Wilson came on the radio. I paused as I leaned into his words; he was singing along to the lyrics, “Ask me how I’m doing, I’m blessed, yes. Living every moment, no regrets. Smile up on my face, I’m like oh yes, I’m blessed, yes…” Then, he added, “this is my favorite song.” All I could say was, “it is?” I looked at him through eyes of awe and love. Right then, I felt like I had come full circle; clarity replaced the uncertainty. I realized, this has little to do with me. Still, I wasn’t able to get me completely out of the way. Not yet.
However, gratitude did step in. I started seeking, feeling and tasting gratitude. I thanked God for my husband who is so positive and upbeat. I thanked God for my daughter, Angel, whose calm, quiet faith adds freshness to our days. I thanked God for calls, texts, messages from family and friends; even if I couldn’t talk to them. The messages they left helped. I thanked God that all of us have our senses of tasting, seeing, hearing, touching, smelling. I started looking at everything and everybody as a gift. Was this easy to do? Yes, once I realized how good it made me feel. Recognizing all things and all people are a gift was like mental anesthesia; it dulled the pain of worry and fear. I started to slowly move outside of myself. I concentrated on others. I listened a lot.
Mind you, I didn’t talk much. I was afraid that the act of talking would cause me to fall apart. So, I texted instead. (Just want to add…. some people don’t like receiving texts; not sure why. They would rather receive a call. But sometimes texting is the best a person can do to let you know they are thinking about you. A text is all they have to give. After, these past weeks, I embrace texts even more. I don’t judge. I’m just thankful that the person thought enough about me to send a text. Again, like my mom says, “heap sees, few knows.” You never know the reason behind another’s actions. Just try to think the best about people.) So, I would text, leave a message, to let them know I was thinking about them.
Slowly, hope returned.
God, thank you for the lyrics of a song, “I’m Blessed” that has the power to resurrect hope and gratitude. Thank you for the voice of a husband and the quiet faith of a daughter to bring clarity out of the darkness. Thank you for brothers, sisters, family, friends for being the wind that carry us through our struggles.
Again, this blog is long. Please return tomorrow for the final installment of “The Struggle is Real, Part 3”
Charlie Wilson feat. T. I. – “I’m Blessed” from the album In It To Win It, January 20. 2017