Kind of Tired of Being Scared.
“As for me, I look to the Lord for help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me. For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. The Lord will bring me into the light, and I will see His righteousness.” Micah 7: 7-9 (NLT)
I find no matter how much faith I have and no matter how much I believe in the promises of a good God; I still get scared. You know how it is when you want to be strong, but fear keeps creeping in? I believe in the goodness of God, I believe His promises are true, (“Yes,” says the Lord, “I will do mighty miracles for you…” Micah 7:15) and I believe His will is for good. But sometimes I wonder if God’s good is the same good I have in mind. God promises in Psalm 118:17, we will live and not die and declare the works of the Lord. In Psalm 27:13, He says, we will see God’s goodness in the land of the living; I believe these promises. But fear keeps on coming, especially late at night. I try to pray but all I can muster is “Jesus, Jesus!” This happened last week when Billy was going through such a rough time in the hospital. It seemed as if he was going from one not so good situation to another. All I could think was if I am feeling like this and I am not even in the hospital, imagine what Billy is going through. I had to force myself to stop. I repeated, “I know God is in charge and I believe everything will be alright.” Well, thank God, today, everything is alright. And, I believe it will continue. After all, God promises, “where you began will seem unimportant, because your future will be so successful.” Job 8:7 (NCV)
I am so thankful to report Billy’s stomach tubes have been removed, he can walk, stand and eat. To go from being bed-ridden to standing and walking is a God-given gift. And, after an almost three-week hospital stay, serious advocating by his wife, Cheryl, as well as the care of his medical staff and most importantly, your prayers; Billy was moved to the Rehab Floor at Bayfront Medical Center Saturday.
I talked to Billy this morning. He said, “Mary, this is temporary. It’s not without problems; but, it’s just temporary.” He added, “I have taken ownership for my situation. And, yesterday was such a wonderful day. I took a shower.” I smiled and thanked God.
I sat on the front porch and lingered after talking to Billy. Marveling at the goodness of God, I listened to the wind serenading the trees. I glanced up to see majestic, green trees swaying back and forth to a gentle breeze. Billy’s voice coupled with this tranquil scene seemed to say – “All is in divine order. Everything will be alright.”
Please continue to pray bold prayers for Billy’s recovery and continue to visualize him healthy, strong and walking into his home smiling with his wife, Cheryl and cats and dog by his side. Also continue bold prayers for Cheryl’s continued strength, health, peace of mind and for all the medical staff caring for him. As always, please extend your prayers to everyone in need of healing, strength and peace.
Dear God, You are a good God and I thank You for the mighty healing You are performing in Billy’s body. I ask that You continue to strengthen and heal him and give him peace and courage throughout this process. God, I ask You to extend Your powerful blessings to all those suffering in any way. Thank You God. Amen, Amen, Amen.
Alice Chever -Pickett
Mary, I was truly moved by your blog today. Even though at times it is hard to admit, I also have periods of fear. They also occur at night, when everything is quiet, and I am ‘with my thoughts ‘. I call on Jesus name & repeat…’this too shall pass ‘. It gives me comfort, & usually after a bowl of vanilla ice cream, I’m able to fall asleep. A feeling and God’s promise came to me, while sitting outside for my ” sun bath ” today. I know that God’s Got This. I know because of the strength in Bill’s voice when I talked to him earlier. Every day, stronger and stronger in every way. My prayers continue for Bill and Cheryl, for the hospital staff and special thanks to the 5th floor team and the 7th floor rehab team. God bless!
Thank you Alice. I agree with you 100%; “this too shall pass” is a beautiful reminder of God’s promises. Thank you also for recognizing the teams who have supported Billy throughout his hospital stay. Love you much, my sister.
Gloria McFadden Flournoy
Thankful and Blessed to hear and know Billy is doing well and recuperating.
Gloria, thank you so much for your comments and your prayers. It means a lot to all of us!!
Jesus is our Rock ,He will answer Prayers. Vera and I were talking about Bill and I told her I was going to take my insulin and call Bill he called me to me I believe it was a spiritual connection I just love reading your blog because it gives me a understand oh my life history from my father side. I have learned so much from you and Bill that helps me to understand who I am thank you so much I love you sister.
My dear brother Fred, you are very welcome. Listening to Billy talk about you and your bond, lets me know you two are connected not only by birth but also by spirit. You are such an inspiration and a blessing to all of us. I appreciate all the prayers you, Vera and now Tina are constantly sending out for Billy and the rest of the family. Love you, too.
Thank you Mary for your post because yes we can say we have faith & then when its tested, God shows us where we really are. I tell the girls & Walter that I’m always tested where fear is concern & God reminds me even that if the thing I fear takes place, he’s got me & I will be fine. Usually, when fear arises (to torment me) it ends up not being what the fear was telling me. These two things that I meditated on when I spoke to Gum last week & he was in pain & they had just taken the tubes out: 1) Gum told me that he wanted to live at least 40 yrs on dialysis because of the lady that was on it for 40 yrs. Well he has at least 20 more yrs to go(smile). 2) I focused on Hebrews 2:14-15, “through Jesus death, he destroyed Satan who had power of death & delivered them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage”⁴. So I told fear to go & I’m so grateful that my uncle is still on the road to living.
Precious, you are welcome and thank you for your comment. I love your scripture as well as the words from Billy about living on dialysis for 40 years. Like you and him, I am claiming that God gives him what he asks for; 20 more years. God is so gracious, that I wouldn’t be surprised if He granted Billy a lot more year than 20 years of good health. So thankful, you stood up to fear and it left. I, too, am so grateful for the healing that surrounds Billy. Love you too!!
Mary, this minute in time has caused me fear as well. Night is the worst to combat fear. Your journey with your brother and others in similar situations has given me courage. We have one day at a time, one step at a time and one prayer at a time. As weird as it sounds, this has taught me to live in the moment and feel gratitude for what is. Your brother’s light, through your blogs, has been a part of my personal healing. I thank you and bless you and love you.
Donna, my dear friend, your comments bring me to tears. When I share my fears, concerns, family matters and etc., I believe we are all connected by our experiences. My desire is to share my faith and give others hope in knowing they are not alone and to believe everything will be alright. God is able to carry us through any difficulty, if we allow Him. Donna, like you, all of these experiences have also taught me to live in the moment with gratitude. I’ve learned all we have is “the now.” Your words confirm my deepest desire; the healing is an extra bonus. Thank you so much for reading my blogs and allowing me to share from the heart. Love you my friend!!!
We are soul sisters. The purpose of your blog is exactly the same as my Embracing Life column! I love our connection. Thank you so much for being you. 🙏🏼🙏🏾